The difference between healing and avoidance

 When you are on your healing journey you sometimes begin to wonder whether you are healing or just practicing avoidance.

Asking yourself this is hard. Sometimes uncomfortable. 

But it is one of the most important truths we learn when we start rebuilding our lives.

Healing and avoidance can look very similar on the surface.

Both can involve distancing yourself from people, habits and environments that hurt you.

Both can even involve  moments of silence and withdrawal.

But underneath, they come from two different places.

At a point in my life I started distancing myself from friends. I said to myself that I'm growing and healing and it was for the best.

But turns out I was just running away from my situation.  I didn't have the best experience with the friends and since I didn't like confrontation I chose to withdraw from them.

And yes in some situations that is the best thing to do but in some talking it out might solve the situation. Avoidance wasn't the answer.

Healing comes from courage .

Avoidance comes from fear.

Healing is a slow, intentional process of facing what you feel.

Avoidance is a quiet escape from what you're scared will break you 

And most of us spend seasons dancing between the two without even noticing.

Avoidance: The quiet escape that feels safe

Avoidance is subtle. Most times it looks like the little choices you make everyday:

   • Ignoring a feeling because, " I don't have the energy."

   • Staying away from certain conversations because you don't want conflict.

   • Keeping busy so you don't have to sit with your thoughts.

   • Ending relationships quickly instead of communicating your needs like I did.

Avoidance feels like self - protection at first. It gives you temporary relief, a break  from overwhelm, a sense of control.

You tell yourself you're choosing peace but deep down you know it's fear wearing a calm mask.

The hard part about avoidance is that it doesn't just hide your wounds . It keeps them open.

What you avoid usually grows.

Feelings you push down don't disappear; they wait . Conversations you run from become bigger. And pain unattended eventually shows up in other areas of your life - your relationships, your self- esteem, your habits, your decisions.

Avoidance feels safe now but it is costly later.

Healing: The slow work of being honest with yourself 

Healing looks gentler.

 Its not always crying or having, " breakthroughs." Sometimes it's boring , sometimes it's hard and exhausting.

Healing is choosing honesty over comfort.

It looks like:

   • Sitting down with a painful memory instead of shutting it down.

   • Admitting when you are hurt instead of disappearing.

   • Talking through conflict instead of disappearing.

   • Reflecting on patterns instead of blaming everyone else.

   • Allowing yourself to rest without guilt.

   • Letting yourself feel grief, anger, loneliness, disappointment - without rushing to get rid of it.

Healing doesn't happen by force. It happens through small, consistent truths.

It's letting yourself fall apart a little so you can come back together honestly.

And unlike avoidance, healing might make things feel worse before they feel better because you are not running.

You are finally facing.

How to know which one you are doing 

It can be confusing to tell whether you are avoiding or healing. Here are gentle signs .

You are avoiding if:

   • You feel temporary relief but long-term anxiety.

   • You shut down instead of expressing yourself.

   • You run from things that bring discomfort.

   • You say ," I don't care" but your chest is heavy.

   • You feel empty instead of peaceful.

   • Your patterns repeat themselves.

   • You isolate out of fear not intention.

You're healing if...

   • Your peace feels grounded not numb.

   • You are uncomfortable but growing.

   • You can name what you feel.

   • You are becoming more honest with yourself.

The biggest difference is this:

   • Avoidance protects your wound. Healing cleans it.

Why we confuse the two

Most people avoid because they have been overwhelmed for too long.

When life has been heavy, quietness can feel like healing. Even when it's not.

Sometimes you think you are "choosing peace"  when you are actually choosing distance because the nervous system is tired.

Other times avoidance hides inside good habits :

   • You call it "focusing on yourself "but you are actually avoiding intimacy .

   • You call it "protecting your peace"but you are avoiding accountability.

   • You call it "letting go" but you are actually avoiding a hard conversation.

The mind will always choose what feels safe, not what leads to growth.

Healing requires choosing differently even when it scares you..

Closing thoughts 

Healing isn't about never avoiding again. It's about catching yourself when you start running from yourself and gently coming back home

Every time you face something honestly even in small ways, you are choosing a different life. A fuller one. A braver one. A life that belongs to you not your fear.

And that's the difference:

Avoidance keeps you surviving. 

Healing teaches you how to live.

Take a moment today to notice where you might be avoiding discomfort. Choose one small step—acknowledging a feeling, setting a boundary, or practicing self-care—and move toward healing. 

Share your experience in the comments or pin this post as a reminder to show up for yourself.